September 24th 2014 Wednesday, 20.20
But more of a 14th birthday celebration thing brought from the DA staff, in exchange for a badge. Gosh I'm so slow at understanding trends.
Well I guess it's way too late for me to earn that badge, am I right? But I'm not writing the journal for that, as I really thought the "self-review" idea was clever and a good occasion to actually do the point of a situation with one's life: I'm probably seeing this in an unappropriate phylosophical point of view, but even though we're just talking about DeviantArt I know that (through my drawings and journal posts) years of my life have passed by. Seven fucking years, if we want to be precise, and that's hellova time during which I recognize I've developed and improved physically, mentally, ideologically, artistically and... stuff... -ally I guess.
But it's a lot of change. It's a lot to tell and I know for sure this journal is going to be very long. I'm starting this post now in an abnormally-warm evening of September and who knows if it'll take minutes, hours or days to finish.
Before starting writing here, I went to look at my previous journals to get myself a more detailed timeline of my memories. I know I periodically purge my Journal section on my account, but I have all my posts saved in a .txt file I like to read every once a while, like a real personal diary. Okay, let's start.
I opened my DeviantArt account on January 4th, 2007 (I had 16 years old at the time), and what a day that was! I remember like it was yesterday: my parents bought my first laptop during the summer of 2006, and I really wanted to connect it to the Internet. We didn't have a modem yet, but a dialer connection cable came with the laptop, so I secretly used that during the few afternoon I was alone at home. I was a HUUUGE FAN of Jazz JackRabbit, so normally, the first thing I looked up online was that.
I found out about DA thanks to
and his JJ related comic, Guilty Gene. He had the gallery here, so I looked around and found out about the whole art community (and a bit about furry fandom, understanding that the cartoony animals I've always drawn since childhood were furries, essentially).
When the phone bill came home, awh man! I felt so bad and guilty for my "secret connection" that I remember I refused to eat for a whole week. xD But every cloud has a silver lining, and after deciding we needed an Internet connection somehow, my parents opted to buy a router.
With a more stable Internet connection, I finally signed up on DA. I already had my Valy sona and most of my characters from Best Thing In Town, but everything was still so early in development I really didn't know what to do with all these toony animals I had. As stated before, I was only 16 at the time, and now that I'm 23 I do recognize how different I thankfully am from time ago. Where to start?
Phisically wise: okay, everyone knows that teenagers with a body in development aren't Beauty-award winners and everyone knows how difficult and tormented is the relationship between a teenager and their own body, I was no different. I felt really uncomfortable with my appeareance so I used to wear large clothing to hide it as much as possible; also, I really liked my hair long so I refused to cut it, but at the same time I didn't know how to take care of it, so I always wore a ponytail (which SUCKED, OH GOD IT SUCKED). Finally, my wrists were totally COVERED in spiky bracelets, for real! And there were only a few occasions I used to take them off, that's why my Valy has them.
Nowadays I do recognize I am the total opposite for what it concerns my appeareance. Yeah, I'm still short, but I'm starting to see it as an advantage more than anything. I now can't stand large clothing and 80% of what I wear is average skinny, as I do feel more confident and I feel like my bodyshape finally looks like one of a normal female being :V I'm still not satisfied about my legs though and that's why I don't wear skirts, but I'm working on their mass and muscles, and my wardrobe shows a few more dresses (worn with leggings, because I'm still a tomboy at heart) and lots of shorts. I always keep my hair cut short now, let's say shoulder lenght, and either straight or "cottoned", as I keep my style as "Glam Metal" as possible. I still love spiky bracelets and accessories, but I wear them only on few occasions, and most of the time I keep my wrists free from any extra weight that could make actions like typing or drawing tiresome.
Mentally wise: I was a complete idiot back then.
Like there's no way to phrase that differently, I was an idiot: i wrote silly journals, drew silly shit, acted "over the top" and extremely hyper in regards of stuff I did or didn't like, I was VERY guillible and I didn't understand most of the puns and inner jokes. I also had mediocre English skills, even though I was indeed one of the best English-speaking students at my school (and THAT's saying A LOT).
I really did calm down during these seven years, and sometimes, even I mistake this with a general sense of "apathy" towards everything, but really, I learned to appreciate everything in moderation, and after leaving high school and starting tattoo school, which has lead me to socialize with people of different ages (some of my... schoolmates were in their 40s!), I did learn how to act like a more mature person.
Meeting different people, be it online or in real life, and travelling a lot thanks to my boyfriend have made me tougher and more indipendent, able to organize even long journeys for more people and not just me.
Also, this seems ironical, but leaving highschool (which was basically turning me into a mindless idiot) has lead me to appreciate literature and various disciplines even more: I now have more time to read every book I want, in every language I want (as long as I studied it), and I feel much more attracted to Biology and Phylosophy topics, which I used to avoid. I feel much more comfortable now when I speak, write and listen to people talk in different languages, and it's all thanks to my travellings, which did a better job than all the teachers I ever had. I'm still childish sometimes, or cowardly, or hot-headed, but itìs waaay better than who I was.
Socially wise: I admit that, in this section, DA and the whole internet has helped me a lot more than on other aspects.
High school really does make you feel insignificant, and even though I had some friends, and eventually started a rockband, I never felt to be actually part of the whole world (also because of the problems listed above).
I've started knowing the italian furry community from DA, and landed on the FurryMania forum on 2008. I met a lot of people there, some were shitty, some were nice, and overall it was a great experience, and I finally felt part of a real group (also because of our real life meetups, which were -and still are!- the best). Not gonna touch the topic now because it's a long, unrelevant story, but the things have evolved over there too: a lot of people ragequitted, others were just thrown away, I ended up being part of the staff of the new site and it's at this point that I found a fixed group of what I can really call friends: I can't count the times we've rounded up on the evening to talk about every topic as possible, and we soon became much more than just a site staff.
Not to mention that after two weird and awful relationships I finally met
during my first LuccaComic convention and... well, we're going to celebrate 5 years together this October, I think that says a lot. <3
Of course, there are some things that never change:
is still my neighbour and bestest friend ever since primary school, and I don't think I'll ever find a friend as awesome as her. <3
Artistically wise: OOOH LET's NOT EVEN START.
It's obvious that in seven years of constant drawing, experimenting and exercising, my art has improved: considering also that I've been drawing since I was 5, this "art" thing is going for a long time!
I must say that my improvement hasn't always been constant; there were some periods in which I knew my "art" was shitty and I knew I could've done better, but I guess that's the artist life for everyone. I also know that one never stops learning, and after attending tattoo school I realized I was confident in things that were way out of my comfort zone, in which I should experiment more.
Since I mentioned my band, Last Sound Blast, before, it's worth to summarize its story here: I started taking guitar lessons in secondary school and then in high school when I met Josh, the desire of having a band was common in us. We had a good run for almost 5 years with Faby and Nico during which we wrote our own songs, recorded some tracks, performed live quite some times and even won a buncha contests. We weren't exactly the best, but the whole garage-band scene of the region knew of us and that was the coolest thing ever. We split up I think a couple of years ago? Josh has continued her music career with another band while I stopped as I was focusing on tattoos and drawings. But it's been fun, and it's been a goodexperience. I guess it's every teenager dream to have a rockband and I'm happy I had good friends to play with.
Preferences: I started talking about music before, and it has come to my mind that even my preferences and my idols have changed and developed during these seven years.
So I was a die-hard fan of Green Day back then, like really obsessed, and I recognize that was because it was the actual first band that introduced me to pop-punk back then. I also liked a plethora of stuff that followed the same "dastiny" as Green Day.
I'm not saying that I don't like Green Day now, at all. In fact, I still love their music, and I love the fact that, like me, have developed during the years and during the time I had my best/worst years (high school) they published a sound which was criticized as being the best by some, and the worst by others. I do feel it's really close to how I lived my life, and that's why I still love them.
What has changed though is the variety of bands I listen to: from pop-punk I now lean more to glam and sleaze metal, and I think the special place of "number 1 favourite artist" is obviously taken from Alice Cooper.
I also had this real bad habit of turning the celebrities I liked into furries, hence why some of my oldest characters are based on the Green Day and the Dr. House show.
While I'm mostly cool with the American Idiot characters because they're imaginary, I soon felt ashamed by the other characters because... that's pathetic, really, but I still was very attached to the whole design of them. When I went through my complete restyle of characters' design and bio in 2010, I changed their personality a lot making them just "people who coincidentally share their name"... it still weirds me out sometimes, but I guess they're ok now.
It's also thanks to Lock if I now have a much wider knowledge of movies, comics and games: I've learned to appreciate more actors, sagas, and stories than I did before, also widening my source material to take inspiration from. <3
Yes I'm still 23, and yes I know I'm not going to leave this gallery anytime soon; there are still more years, more art and more adventures for me to undertake: I have to move out and go live with Lock very soon, maybe at the start of this year, and I know things will change even more at that point. Right now, I've put my commissions on FurAffinity on hiatus just to work on the tons and tons of ideas I have for my characters, for myself, and for my life in general: I can't wait to start tomorrow and see where all my adventures are leading me to.